


"Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough."

by SlitheredFromEden



Series: "OCD Got Nothing On Me (Yeah Right)" a memoir by Arthur Pendragon [15]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:16:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6335749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlitheredFromEden/pseuds/SlitheredFromEden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin arrived just in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough."

**Author's Note:**

> Due to popular demand this series is infinite! It's continuing!  
> Title from Through The Dark by One Direction

The freeway. Exactly where everything started between he and Arthur. Arthur had to be here, there's no where else Merlin could think of. Wherever his fiancé may be. Merlin just hopes he isn't too late. 

The wind whistled and whirled around Merlin. The traffic jam made it hard for him to focus, he needed to find Arthur. Merlin's mind betrayed him, playing dreadful scenarios repeatedly. It all contained of Arthur's death. 

"Arthur!" He shouted into the busy street. "Please don't be afraid.. I'm here for you!"

Just as he expected there was no reply. Merlin's heart began to pound in his chest. He walked up the road, desprately searching for any indication of where Arthur may be. 

"Some one call the police!" A woman yelled. "There's a man sitting on the edge of the abandoned bridge!" 

Merlin's attention snapped in that direction. To his horror, it was Arthur. He sprinted past the cars and people. Arthur was just sitting there, motionless and at peace. 

"It's all right." Merlin informed the crowd. "I know him, he'll be fine." 

Merlin sat beside his financé, he didn't know what to do. Should he cry? Laugh? Yell? At the moment, it all didn't seem important. They both sat there in silence. 

"I'm sorry I ran ran off." Arthur broke the silence. 

"I'm sorry I didn't notice you struggling earlier." Merlin breathed out. 

"You couldn't have known." 

"Arthur?" 

"Yes yes yes, Merlin." Arthur said, his eyes watching the sky. 

"Why here? Why didn't you come back to me? I was worried.." 

"Here." Arthur traced the engraving of the bridge. "Here, is where I always came growing growing growing up. I watched the sky hours after hours until Gaius Gaius Gauis Gaius came for me. I always loved the sky despite the weather that that destroyed it." 

"What bothered you, love?" Merlin rested his head against Arthur's shoulder. 

"Change, Merlin." Arthur confessed. "I'm afraid of change. What happens when you you you want to move? What will happen after I get used to you and Ellie Elllie Ellie forever and you want another child? I'll mess it up. I know know I will. What if I didn't actually recover from my POCD and ruin our new child and Ellie? What will happen to to to to to me when you actually start thinking straight and leave me? How will I cope cope with the aching? The never ending pain that's going to fill my head. I wouldn't be able to escape escape escape the nagging thoughts in my mind that blame blame blame me and judge me. I can't be alone again.. I need you." 

Arthur's voice cracked between his sobbing. Merlin didn't feel his own tears streaming until his vision blurred. "Oh, Arthur. I'll never leave you. Ever. I love you too much." 

"I've been alone for so long, Merlin, it's been a great year. Wonderful wonderful even. Almost like a dream." Arthur inched closer to the edge and gently closed his eyes. "When I was younger I would sit at at at at at at the very edge and imagine falling. Falling seemed like the only thing I thought about doing. Can you imagine that? A ten year old thinking about suicide as a solution for his problems problems?" 

"No." Merlin's voice was small.

"Can you imagine being that ten year old? Being in the dark dark for so long that entering the light never felt welcoming welcoming welcoming?" Arthur asked with said eyes boring into Merlin's wet ones. 

"No, I can't." 

"Good. I don't want that for you." Arthur smiled half heartedly. 

"Let's go home." Merlin tugged his sleeve. 

"Why are you taking me me me me back?" 

"Because it's where you and I plus Ellie belong." Merlin helped Arthur up. 

"Is she with Morgana?" 

"Yes. Lancelot too." Merlin supplied. "She'll be fine." 

"She's too perfect." Arthur said proudly. "Promise me me me something?" 

"Anything." 

"Promise me to raise her right." Arthur sighed. 

"We are raising her together, Arthur. We are team." 

"Can I tell you a secret?" 

"Yes, of course you can."

"I came here to end my life today today today today." Arthur couldn't look Merlin in the eyes. "But I heard you voice saying 'Arthur, please don't be afraid I'm here for you' and I stopped. I thought of you. Your smile, kind eyes, warm touch, and our baby girl. I didn't feel so alone, no, I don't feel all alone when when when I'm with you."  

Merlin's anger dissipated, he didn't want to be angry at Arthur. Merlin chose to be supportive instead. "I'm so glad you chose life, I love you." 

Arthur looked up to meet Merlin's eyes. "I love you too." 

"'We'll schedule a session with Leon. How's that sound?" 

"Good." Arthur replied.

Merlin kept glancing over at Arthur throughout the entire ride. Arthur sat there uncharacteristically still. No tapping his fingers, fiddling with the seat belt or messing with the radio.  

"Arthur, tell me what's going on right now?" 

"I'm ashamed of myself." 

"No! There's no shame in being afraid." 

"I'm ashamed because I was being selfish selfish selfish and basically through Ellie onto you. She isn't your responsibility she's mine mine." 

"Shes our responsibility." Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand. "I told you we are a team."

Ellie was asleep when they arrived. Morgana had tear stained cheeks. "I thought we lost you." 

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, sister." Arthur hugged her. "Don't cry cry cry." 

 _A-R-T-H-U-R_ Lance signed weakly. _Why didn't you tell me you were suffering?_

_I thought I could handle it_

_No need to go through that alone. Tell me from now on._

_I promise._ Arthur ended his sign with a hug. 

Morgana pulled Merlin aside away from the two best friends. "Arthur needs real help." 

"He sees a psychiatrist." Merlin told her. 

"That's not enough. I know I'm not the greatest sister but I love him." Morgana's tears slipped. "He needs a lot more than one session per week. He's going to be a family man soon, he needs Doctor Gaius." 

"You're right. I'll find his number and give him a call." 

"Let me." Morgana pleaded. "It's the least I could do."

"Alright, Morgana. I trust you." 

**Author's Note:**

> Do you guys listen to the songs I quote? 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!!!


End file.
